A Heavy Storm Heads My Way

a heavy storm heads my way
but all i want is sleep
as I watch the darkened trees sway.

in the growing winds that last all day
it takes all my strength to keep
the heavy storm that heads my way,

from showing on my face as i lay.
my gaze so fixed and so deep
i watch the darkened trees sway.

all i can think is “come what may”
i’ll be waiting, as you try to sweep
the heavy storm that heads my way,

you try to blow it far away.
i just might make you sow and reap
as I watch the darkened trees sway.

leaving a bitter taste, i say
“look before you leap”
as the heavy storm heads this way
i watch the darkened trees sway. 

Thoughts on The Bathhouse

They say that nothing becomes erratic within these walls.
they say that this space ruptures us

and nothing becomes something within these walls.
and something is a disturbing thing to be.

thoughts dissipate, peace and quiet becomes angry violence
air turns to poison within these walls

those with no purpose, those without faces
we become torment, within these walls

aimless rage,
endless war

let my vision die
while i eat my neighbor

swallow him whole

i am death within these walls

tear you to shreds,
and bathe in your blood.

this faceless pride
takes my mind

spitting poison
breathing smoke

i’ve lost my mind
within these walls,

let the others have their disaster
let the others kill themselves within these walls

but let me flee
to regain who i am to be

outside of these walls

Nico Robin (Diligence and Vigilance Lost)

feelings are fleeting
but my existence
is not.

torn in two
the cut
that will not heal
and continues to bleed

losing focus
drowning in
dizziness

the cut
gets scraped
and opens wider
every day

i am now nothing
but the wound
that defines me

no one comes near
no one come near

and just let me die
let my eyes close
as i float away
into darkness

If You’re going to save me
then just give me resolve
just give me purpose

just let this wound close
once and for all  

Who Looks Down

when the dead
buried their own dead

who was left standing
covered in mud and dirt?

fear is a consuming feeling

the roots using the rotting dead
as nutrients for the growth

twisting around my heart
squeezing me until i can hardly breathe

i can hardly think

who are the rotting
who looks down on them?

where do i lie?
in the pit
or on its edge?

who looks down on me
and do i care?

do i hesitate
in the door
will i make it through
or will it slam in my face?

i can hardly think

but i have my resolve
i have made my choice

the fear
is now something i can start cutting away.

i won’t hesitate
i won’t procrastinate

so let me rise
from the pit
in which i lay 

My God, I’m fractured, but I don’t feel the breaks.

My epic

The King of... Drama

hair raises, vision blurs, hands shake and sweat.

loss of speech, all mental connection to every function severs

wrong or wronged?

no sense of feeling as this gorilla throws a tantrum
and feces all about the room

the king of apes
the spectacle of stench

center of attention
only viewed from a distance

loss of control is no reason for pride,

now i’m sent back to the night
spent staring at that street light

cast out, and alone
because of pride
and fear’s anger

where have i gone
from there to here?

to be staring at a past
that’s standing before me

spin out of control
and puke from the dizziness.
covered in grammatical bile
and babbling like a baby

should i stand up now?
or have someone stand for me

clean myself off?
or make someone do it for me

pride shatters my image
my life
and my love

leaves me standing alone
with self pity and and a mirror

will i walk on two legs
and accept my own folly

or bound on all fours
in a selfish, empty jolly

…

the king of drama
the lord of self

i stare at myself in the mirror, not surprised, but surprisingly horrified. i’ve seen this before, dribbling, sniffling idiocy, stumbling over myself trying to justify spilled milk. pointing fingers and passing blame, angrily silent and blindingly ridiculous.

the boy who screamed at you, “this is a wolf!”
after he was shown it was merely a dog.
dumbfounded and repulsed,
you cocked back your hand

i, the king of drama
and self delusion,

find a bruise on my cheek, i’m sorry i didn’t see it sooner,
before i drank that potion, before i split into two.

hiding behind word and the occasional rhyme
when all i should say, is i’m sorry i lost it.

i’m sorry i hurt you

i’m sorry for my pride, the overgrown monster that you called out
and me who lashed out protecting it,

i came here for you, not a monster,
so, covered in blood, i wash my hands of that thing

and say, i’m sincerely sorry, for how i treated you  

This Blog

is a continuation of one i started more than 5 years ago… i destroyed the older, original one with great satisfaction, and transferred recent things i wrote there, to here. all things written here are original and were created within my brain. 

Smiling

cracking and not stretching
not as my skin is meant to do.

as my mouth widens
the sting of tearing flesh
causes me to cringe

and the taste of cold metal
sinks into my tongue.

i keep licking my lip
thinking it will actually heal the wound
and quietly reassuring me that the wound still there
but it only serves to keep the wound fresh
and the taste of blood reminds me

of the drought inside my mind
manifesting itself in cracked
and bleeding lips

the sting of a pain i’ve done nothing to prevent
for my entire my life

it seems small enough
that i can pay no mind to it..
for a moment at least

but with laughter
comes the sharpest sting

with the smallest whisper
the taste returns again.

why can i never shake the pain

why don’t i ever prevent this from happening

plagued,
and darkened

i now realize
and fear my own inaction  

When Princesses Don't Have Castles

is it me, that refuses to realize what’s going on in this world of mine,

is she really running from me and not to me, as i had originally thought?

where am i now?

where is this?

who was she, even?

why can’t i remember anything anymore?

i’m quite certain she was infatuated with me, enthralled by my every move

hanging on my every word, completely obsessed. 

i was the world,

and i hung the moon high in the sky.

at least from her vantage point.

and now, i’m the one running to find where she’d run off to,

i have to save her, 

or she has to save me

…

where is this again?

who’s voice is this

that sounds so familiar,

was i running to them

or from them?

…

princess of all princesses

i was her prince

and i was a king

holding this world

as it stared back at me,

it’s reflection staring back like my eyes on it’s surface

…

i heard a seam pop

i felt the shirt tear

as she yanked away

and screamed in fear

she clawed my eye

and she ran away.

right after i had saved her

right after i killed that horrible man

…

who was it, i was chasing?

where was it i was running?

why am i here?

…

staring in horror, as only mirrors do

watching the sanity slip

as the fog rolls in

this place is darker than the thoughts in his mind

…

not turning back, she disappears in the crowd

the tiara glimmering in the sun

as it fades along with her

into the darkest light i had ever seen

…

where is this place, that i’ve gotten myself to

why do i chase perfect strangers into the sunset

i stand with nothing but confusion like thick smoke blinding my eyes

and choking my mind

…

the princess is in another castle

the world is in another mind

a place i can no longer reach

left alone

as the fog covers the land.

…

the smoke never clears, 

the shining light never ceases

i move where i think the light is coming from

when a powerful, invisible force, throws me to my back

and the world goes dark

with all the fissures in my skull

my sight leaks from my brain

onto the floor below

…

struck

as i stood there

trying to gain control

wandering in a busy street,

the damsel was never in distress

the princess, never captured

i spend my last moments

filling my fading mind with how the light 

looked as it shone so brightly.

Inspired by Braid

On Escapes

she sang to me
"Failure is all i saw"

failure is all i know

she swayed toward me
this was a dream

she was a nightmare

sing to me
about the corruption
of our past

sing to me

so out of key

she filled the atmosphere
death was in the air

dripping
beads of fear
down my temples

who was it
who sang

this sweet
pulverization

lend me your ear
to hear

lend me your eyes
to see

lend me your heart
to feel

let me construct
what isn’t me

from all of you

hypnotized

she swayed me
to that palpable rhythm

"martyrs we never were"

selfish, we dawned our masks

"murderers we’ll always be"

mirrors, reflecting reality in denial

killing you
killing me

masks of mirrors
staring into each others
infinite hallways

always hiding
never confronting

what we were

killers in fear
hearts in despair

let your voice ring forever
in my ear

"let me run
set me free

basking in my
tacit escape” 

Nagato Yuki (John Smith)

i will not fail you when you need me

i will not leave you alone to fight this battle by yourself

you can count on me,

oh and look, it’s snowing,
(even in your pain,

there is beauty

even when you want to cover up your hurt,

there is something to be happy about)

and here’s my jacket, stay warm

i will care for you
when no one else sees
or even knows that you’re in need.

i’m not leaving your side

i will never leave your side.

 

(inspired by the Disappearance of Suzumiya Haruhi)

When writing with nothing in mind

There are songs of an older day

songs of the past,

songs of songs

sung in better times

repetition creating premonition

words are meaningless

if only to convey

what the letters and sounds

seem to say

there are always trees swaying

there’s always someone falling

there are always words

left unsaid.

There’s a time and place

for new and different things

life seems so short

to aimlessly ramble

about her

about him

and about a world that makes no sense

so let the sky fall

let my words ring hollow

but let them still ring

for words without meaning

are what they are

Old Ghazal (Burning)

oh, you lifeless person shoved inside your urn
we, who are still breathing will forever burn.

with the circle on my hand
and the heaviness in my soul, will it ever burn?

fidgeting as i sit, waiting for a light
the smoke poured in, but my lungs will never burn.

will you wait, faceless wonder? billowing formless pain
the love is all i wanted; you stole, now i burn.

no form, no sight, emptiness leaves my hand
drawing blanks, i’m nameless; it will forever burn. 

Spaces Within The Mind

There’s a tree, in the midst of a vast and empty expanse of tall grass covered earth the grass slowly sways in the wind, rubbing against other blades of grass creating sounds which mimic the ocean as it races as far inland it possibly can before receding back into itself. The tree stands solemnly atop a slight rise in the land among the sea of grass painted with paler colors of autumn and a slight hue of pink glinting off the grass. 

This tree, billows high into the sky, the trunk pushing as high as most full grown trees stand from the highest branch to where it breaks the ground is also as big around as a full tree’s branch circumference. With branches stretching far out over this plain and reaching high into the clouds and the density of the its leaves and closeness of the branches giving the appearance of a cloud itself, this tree seems to bask in the world of grass below it. unfettered by any other tree, undisturbed by rigid landscape and where no human has set foot in some time. This space, miles and miles wide is surrounded by trees found mostly high in mountain ranges, tall, thin and prickly. these trees stand as guards, obscuring the view into this place.

wind never blows into this plain, only out from this plain in all directions. 

this space, with it’s slightly unnatural coloring, sits; a sign of peace, a place of thought, untouched and lonely in it’s beauty. the grass has grown high, the paths that could have lead to and around the tree covered and grown in.

Waiting, the tree looks out over its surrounding guardians for any sign of life. pushing ever higher to expand its sight,  it only sings its song, only heard in the winds, as leaves spin, brush and glide off each other, creating a dull roar in this plain, that builds and grows louder than that of the grass, and its mimicry of the ocean.

Wishing for companionship, for someone to bring in the outside scent, outside world, even the residue of the guardian trees. This place, wishing for thought, waiting for new life. 

The Absence of Thought

There are ups and downs

in being invisible

i can easily hide, run and not be found

i can watch, stare and not make people uncomfortable

…………………..

i can find nothing to confide in

have nothing to laugh with

i’m also eager for nothing

but watching and yearning

…………………..

in my cloak

i find nothing pining for me

no one looking for me

…………………..

only those who have forgotten me,

keep me company

hidden deep within my thoughts

…………………..

but, 

i can sing, quite terribly

and never be embarrassed

by other’s laughter

…………………..

i  can follow people and

not thought to be a stalker

…………………..

i can also weep quite bitterly

and never be heard

…………………..

i am nothing but a ghost

invisible to the world i 

seemingly inhabit

…………………..

nothing but a chilling wind

raising the hairs on old loved ones’

backs, arms and necks

…………………..

oh, don’t get me wrong though

being invisible is quite a joy

it just has it’s ups and downs

…………………..

Goliath of the New Age

the man stands in the shadows
proclaiming superiority
as the shadows seem to grow
he calls for blood
he screams for death

all while keeping a constant eye on his back
shifting and fidgeting

and as the ground shakes,
we rise like fire to the sky

the light flashes
casting glimpses of the scenery
with no shadow
after the deafening boom of thunder,

there is silence, as fear truly shifts

Professional Bridge Burner

these flames still fill my vision and
my hands are still covered in ash and burns

as i watch
years of work

pain
and tears

stress
and love

all go up in smoke.

it billows higher
and higher

what connected me
to you.

it tears
pulls apart
and falls into the vast
and infinite emptiness

no shouting will ever reach you
no cry will ever sway you

my hand no longer grasps you.

my head swims

as the smoke burns my eyes
and inflames my lungs

the chemical reaction of this smoke
mixed with my current state of instability

is nothing short of volatile

i am the cinders i watch
crumbling and twirling away
in the slightest breeze

being ripped and strewn apart
scattering a million different places.


i fall apart,

while my bridge to you

falls apart.