On Desiring to Venture About

I have many doubts and questions surrounding why it is that I love what I love.
What I'm talking about is Japan.
As far back as being 8 or 9 years old, I've had a fascination with Japan.
I used to blame my infatuation with Anime and Manga as my reasoning,
but that isn't very relevant anymore, since I hardly watch or read these pieces of Japanese pop culture.
With further thought, I've come to the conclusion that it was never those portions of pop culture that pulled me to Japan.
Maybe I can blame my grandparents, having lived there for a time when my dad was young.
so is it a social factor of my upbringing? seeing many souvenirs and hearing stories from Japan in my delicate years are the reason?
I might have been able to blame this obsession on my family when I was younger,
but I don't think that holds much merit now.

I'm my own person, at least I like to think that I am, and after so many years I'm still quite obsessed with this place and its culture.

which bring me to my thoughts now, I am infatuated with this place because of many things, I think.
the culture fascinates me, it's exotic.
the language is very intriguing and I love learning it.
the above serves to explain that
this place is different from my own place.
a vastly different culture than my own
a foreign country where they don't speak my language
and a place where people interact differently than they do here.

the clincher is that, I've never even been to Japan.
which raises this fear that my infatuation with this culture is like that of a small girl's crush.
In that when I am finally able to visit Japan I'll see the ugly side and I'll suddenly snap out of my delusion
and then never want to return, ever again.
the exotic feeling will fade, and so will my infatuation with Japan,
this is my ultimate fear.

but does this fear have any grounds?